Inner Voice ( IV) Boon or bane ?

Inner voice(IV) Boon or bane?

A promiscuous yet morbid transient trait of an individual are the conversations within himself, a chain of thoughts continuosly impinging upon every action/inaction, dissecting it with the precision of a double edged sword.

I have always been fascinated by the conversations that I have with myself whether I am at work or at home, nevertheless there is always something to talk about, something to lull over and dissect, a complete silence has been long forgotten in the world of self interrogation.

Why, how ,when , where..are incessantly posed as in a game of squash.
The harder you hit the ball the faster it comes at you. The cleverer you get the wilier is IV(Inner Voice).. I could go on about the voice without taking a stance on whether it has been a boon or bane but reality is the voice itself is urging me to judge itself, a paradox I term it.

As I write I begin to wonder, who am I and who is the voice? Would I be able to draw a line and mark the boundaries between me and himJ. Amazing, I say to myself lauding on the line of thought, coz as I pen down, thoughts wander about the opinionations and the possibility of being justified whilst you judge yourself.

As I begin my day, IV wakes up and says yet another day mate and what’s the plan for today. Then a flashback of the leftovers from FridayJ ah! That xl, this ppt , this go live rattles out at a torrid pace as I grapple for the toothpaste. The map is laid out crystal clear, with not even a glance towards the mirror. Lost in thoughts begins my day, frantic and fanatic, working out the intricacies of the gloom impending. What a day, I wish the night was never over….All this happening in a mere 5 mins as I finish up at the wash.

One would wonder about this silent guy keeping to himself with a snobbish grin with little clue about the debates going on within him sapping his energy day in, day out.
A conversation with a bystander lasts less than a min in borrowing the other newspaper that hez already finished reading but IV inside tries to decide the modus operandi of how to ask for the paper. As options are discussed within suddenly dawns reality. There it is, office has arrived and so you realize ah! I should have just said, can I borrow the newspaper?

Thousands of conversations are enacted in monologue, scenes are visualized and enacted in clinical precision but the truth….it’s meta physical.Most of it is, coz debates go on about what may happen or what may never happen. But yet so realistic is the stance that at the end of it you begin to wonder did it really happen??

Life is getting so complicated, wherein we try and answer questions never asked and question answers never answered all within and wonder.

It would be hard to think of life without IV, but I do fantasize on that all pervading peace
When IV would be on leave visiting his friends leaving me alone with no partner, resigned to my melancholia or to the frenetic pace of my unfathomable dreams.

-- Posted by Avinash Baliga ( Class of 2006-07)